Playing the Game
by DreamerGirl526831
Summary: Simply because I hate miscommunication as a plot device, what is America had told Maxon about Aspen from the beginning. WHat if she was forced to make a choice sooner, and couldn't keep Aspen dangling for months? What if Maxon and American were secretly engaged during most of the Selection, and America had to watch her fiance date other women?
1. Chapter 1

I stalk back to my room, furious with both Maxon and myself. Maxon, for not listening to me about Celeste. How could he not see that she was just constantly manipulating him! Strangely, I realize, my frustration with Celeste was not over what she was doing to _us_ , the Selected, but what she was doing to _Maxon_ , the man. I realize that I am feeling very protective of Maxon, and I haven't been protective of someone since-

 _Aspen_.

He is standing outside my door, looking every inch a soldier. I wouldn't have noticed it was Aspen if I hadn't known that Maxon put him there. I look up at him, wondering what I would see in his eyes, and all I saw was love. I'm sure he reads confusion in mine, but I don't really care at the moment.

"Lady America," he whispers.

"Officer Leger."

He leans over and surprises me as he opens the door for me. I almost protest, but I don't have the energy. I walk slowly into my room, fully aware of his eyes glued to my back. I try to think about what this means for Maxon and me, or Aspen and me, but I just can't. Losing either one of them makes me want to cry. I hear the door shut softly behind me, and I stand at the foot of my bed for a while before I register what I am doing.

For the sake of normalcy rather than comfort, I strip my dress off and fold it neatly over the back of the chair at the vanity. I pull the pins out of my hair, weave it into a loose braid, then pull the soft nightgown that Mary had left on my bed over my head. I crawl under the covers, burrowing down into their warmth, vaguely remembering that these beds are always warm, no matter how long it had been since someone had been in them. I wonder about the technology involved for a moment before Maxon and Aspen begin to fight in my mind, and I drift off into an uneasy sleep.

~PtG~

The next day, I walk around in a fog. I take breakfast in my room, then sit in the Women's Room all day, pretending to read. Finally, I can't take it anymore and retire to my room, claiming that I have a headache. I try to play my violin for a little bit, but I'm so distracted that I keep making mistakes, which upsets me more. I set the instrument in its case and kick my shoes off as I lay down on the bed, mulling everything over, and I soon feel my eyelids growing heavy…

"America!"

I hear the urgent shout as I feel someone gently shaking my shoulders to wake me. My mind immediately goes to the rebels, so I begin to get out of bed and put my shoes on.

"Where are you going?" Aspen asks, his hands still on my shoulders.

"To a safe room," I say, guessing that he has no idea how much we all know about the rebels. Well, I know, at least. I doubt that Maxon had told the other girls so much, but I can never really be sure.

"Why?" he asks, still bewildered.

"Because there is a rebel attack going on?" I ask more than say, now unsure of my assumption.

"Why would you think that, Mer?" he says, finally letting go of me.

"The only time anyone has ever sounded that scared around me is during a rebel attack," I explain.

"Oh," he says, and I'm sure he's uncomfortable with the thought. He was always overprotective. "No, there's not an attack."

I breathe out a sigh of relief as I relax onto the bed. "Then why-"

"I heard noises," Aspen says shortly, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "I opened the door to check on you, and you were having a nightmare, so I woke you."

I think back to my dream. I don't remember most of it, but I do remember some strange creature that was both Maxon and Aspen pleading with me to love him… love it? It was more disturbing than scary.

"Oh," I say gently. "Um- thank you, I guess."

"Mer," Aspen says, getting on his knees in front of me to be more at my level. "Do… do you love him?" he asks torturously.

I look at Aspen, and I know that I can't lie to him, as much as I might want to.

"No," I say slowly, and Aspen visibly relaxes, "but I'm starting to. And I'm not sure that I want to fight it," I say softly, barely having come to that conclusion myself.

Aspen closes his eyes, his entire face tensing. "Do you love me?" he asks, sounding like he's about to cry.

A tear finds its way down my face. "Yes," I breathe, "but… Aspen, you threw me away. It's not the same anymore, and I don't know that it ever can be."

Aspen buries his face in my lap, not sobbing, but I know he wants to. Suddenly, I feel him decide to do something. I'm not sure how I know, but the set of his shoulders changes, and his breathing steadies.

He looks up at me. "That can change, America," he says menacingly. "I love you. I always will. If you think that I am not fighting this with every fiber of my being, then you are wrong," he practically growls, bring his lips to mine in a possessive kiss, trying to remind me of what we used to have.

And it is different.

Before, when Aspen would kiss me, everything melted away. I thought of nothing but the feel of him under my arms and his scent as it consumed. Now, though… there is Maxon. While Aspen kisses me now, all I can think about is Maxon. What his reaction will be, how different Aspen feels beneath me. Aspen used to be lean and wiry, but now he is very muscley. He's bulky, where Maxon is defined. I push Aspen away when I discern that I'm wishing it was Maxon kissing me.

"Aspen…" I say so softly I'm not really sure that he can hear me. "No," I say more decisively. "Ignoring that fact that this is literally illegal, even if I hadn't been Selected, _you left me_. Not even left, you just tossed me aside and almost broke me. I thought you were going to propose, and I was _so happy_ and then you left. And then you had Brenna-"

" _What_?" he says sharply.

"Oh, you know," I said with a wave of my hand. "I saw you, holding her, the day I left. You moved on, so I did too."

"She _tripped_ , America Singer, and I _caught_ her," he says frustratedly.

I think about what I know about Brenna, and her tripping does not sound surprising in the least.

I put my head in my hands. "Fine. That still doesn't change the fact that you left me alone through all of this, and whatever your reasons were, you can't change that. And Maxon was here to pick up the pieces."

" _Maxon_ ," Aspen says disgustedly. "You remember what you thought about him before, right? How stiff he is?"

"Aspen. I'm not going to defend him to you, just like I'm not going to defend you to him, if I tell him," I say sharply, immediately realizing that I have to tell Maxon, if I want to have any kind of chance.

"Mer… are we done? Really? I don't… I don't have a chance?" Aspen asks, and my heart breaks again.

I take his hand in mine. "No," I murmur. "You have a chance. I'm still in love with you. But, Aspen, you need to understand that Maxon has a chance too. A rather good one. But our relationship," here Aspen tenses, "is even more complicated than yours and mine. There are thirty other women here for him to choose from. I need you to let me make this decision on my own. And you need to let me make the decision, I don't want you waiting around for me," I say firmly.

"I will always wait for you. The sky is blue, the sun is bright, and Aspen endlessly loves America. Always," he says softly, but I cannot doubt the sincerity.

"I- I know. Just go, for right now. And I think I'm going to ask to have you not on door duty for me… It's too much. I'll never be able to be alone, because I'll be worried about you barging in here," I say, not wanting to hurt his feelings.

"I understand," Aspen says, not unkindly. He kisses my forehead, then walks out the door.

I check the time, and realize that I'd slept for almost three hours, and it's almost time for dinner. Just as I'm wondering if I should call them, Mary, Anne, and Lucy come into the room, and start getting me ready. I know that I need to talk to Maxon, but I can't figure out how to say it.

 _Hey, Maxon, just so you know, that guy I told you about, that I'm in love with? He stands outside my door all night, because you want him too. But I think I love you too!_

 _Hey, Maxon, I need you to not freak out, but my ex is in the palace! And honestly, you're dating thirty girls, so shouldn't I get to date two guys?_

I sigh as Mary pronounces me finished, and I walk out the door, nearly running into the man I was just thinking about.

"America!" Maxon says, stepping back quickly and apologizing.

"It's fine," I say, taking his proffered arm as we walk toward the dining room. "I'm just… distracted."

Maxon is quiet, and I know he's thinking about our argument last night.

"I'm sorry," I say quietly.

"What was that?" Maxon asks with a slight quirk to his lips.

I roll my eyes, and repeat myself. "I'm sorry… for last night. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that, and I know I'm too familiar with you, but I forget we've only known each other for a few weeks and that you're the prince. And I don't like to see you manipulated," I say, wondering if that's what I'm planning on doing to him with Aspen.

Maxon stops walking, and wraps me into a tight hug. His head rests on top of mine. "I'm sorry, too. The fact that you're too familiar with me and that you forget that I'm the prince are two of the reasons I like you so much. And I know that you don't like her, but you need to let me make my own decisions about this. It isn't your job to protect me- if anything, it's my job to protect you," he says, still holding me and kissing the top of my head softly.

I bristle a little at the suggestion that I can't take care of myself, and Maxon knows that and laughs at me. He releases me and lets me take his arm again, but I keep him from walking forward.

"I… I need to talk to you about something," I say timidly.

"My dear, you can talk to me about anything," he says, slightly confused. "What is it?"

"Not here," I say with a frown, too concerned with what I would say to him to complain about his term of endearment. "I was going to tug my ear, but you're here now, so I figured I'd just tell you."

"Alright, then, I'll come to your room after dinner," he says, bowing low to me as we approach the door to the dining room. "After you, Lady America."

I roll my eyes with a smile as I walk through the doors, curtsy to the King and Queen, and sit down next to Marlee and across from Kriss. Maxon and I aren't late, exactly, but we are definitely the last ones there. Marlee and Kriss both look at me with something like jealousy, but also happiness. I am feeling something more like confusion, but I can't ask them about it now. Maybe in the Women's Room, later. We all chatter meaninglessly, and I find myself unable to enjoy the food as I usually do.

Maxon and I occasionally catch each other's gazes, and we smile when we find one staring at the other. Nobody notices, until Maxon winks at me the third time it happens and I giggle. I get several glares from Celeste and Bariel when they see that Maxon is grinning at my giggle, and I see that King Clarkson is also glaring at Maxon.

I flush deeply, and try to ignore Maxon for the rest of the meal, which becomes both easier and harder when Aspen walks in and stands in front of the door. I sigh, and Marlee turns to me, questions swimming in her eyes.

"Later," I whisper. It would be good to have a girl to talk with, but we are competing. I almost smile. Maybe Maxon will have a little bit more understanding for us when he realizes in a competition of his own. I almost just want to go home and forget either of them ever existed.

After dinner, all of us girls go down to the Women's Room and talk together. Kriss, Marlee, and I sit together and, as always, the conversation heads towards Maxon.

Kriss asks me what he's like with me.

"What do you mean?" I ask quizzically. "The same as he is with you, I imagine."

"No, he's not. When I see you both together, he looks so carefree, like he's forgotten that he is the heir to the Illéan throne. When I'm with him, he always seems so preoccupied. And like at dinner, I don't know how you two managed it, but it was like you had a conversation, teasing each other, and you hardly looked at each other!" Kriss says, Marlee nodding in agreement.

"I'm not saying that I'm jealous, or mad," Kriss says, and I do believe her, "but what is it _like_?"

I smile. " _When_ he is like that, which is definitely not all the time, I lo- he is one of the kindest and most genuine people I have ever met." I stop for a moment, knowing that I was going to say I love him. _Do I?_

Marlee and Kriss look a little bit shocked, and I know they caught it. "But," I add pointedly. "He is just like anyone else. I'd be willing to bet that no one else has disagreed with him, let alone fought with him. Me calling him shallow the first time we met is nothing compared to some of the arguments we've had. Last night, actually, was pretty bad," I say, biting my lip, wondering if I've said too much.

"But you make up," Marlee points out. "I mean… I know that we're supposed to be competing, but you clearly are his favorite." Marlee doesn't seem upset at all when she says this, but a frown flits across Kriss' face. I sigh.

"I… I don't know," I say, unsure of whether it's for my benefit or theirs. "I came here expecting it to be simple. I didn't want to fall in love with the prince, I only entered because my mom wanted me too," _and the man who was essentially my fiance_ , I add in my head, "and I'm not saying that I have fallen in love with him, but I don't feel nothing. And then there's all of you, you are two of my best friends, and I know that either one of you would be a great Queen, far better than me, so I want to cheer for you, but then I realize that I don't _want_ to go home and now-" I stop myself, realizing that I have said far too much.

"I-I'm sorry, I think I'm just tired," I say hastily.

Marlee leans over and gives me a hug. "It's okay, America. It's hard."

I hug her tightly, then stand up. "It's late, I'm going to turn in. I'll see you in the morning." Kriss smiles tightly as I leave, and I know that she wants Maxon, not just the crown, which makes it much more difficult for me to ignore her.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey guys! Thanks so much for reading! I added an Author's Note to the first chapter, but basically the only information you really need from it is that I'm going to do my darnedest to update every Tuesday. Enjoy!**

When I get back to my room, I collapse onto the bed and groan. I know Maxon is coming, so I know that I can't put my nightgown on, but I do decide to take my dress off and put my jeans on. I pull all the pins out of my hair and loop into in a bun with a hair tie I find in the back of a drawer.

I unzip my dress as I walk into my closet to find jeans and a t-shirt, and just as I am about to step out of my dress, I hear a voice.

"As much as I'd appreciate the view, you probably don't want to do that," I hear Maxon's voice say from behind a few of my dresses.

"Damn it, Maxon," I mutter as I zip my dress back, putting my hands on my hips as he comes into the light. "What are you doing?"

"I came up here after dinner, and you weren't here, so I decided to… surprise you," he says with a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

I roll my eyes. "No, you wanted to scare me. Go into the other room so I can change, and I'll be out in a minute."

"Yes, ma'am," he says formally, kissing my hand as he walks out the door.

I decide to put on some sleep pants and a t-shirt so I can just go to bed after Maxon leaves. It's a warm night, so I'll be fine if we end up on the balcony.

I stretch as I pad back into my room, finding Maxon leaning on the balcony railing. I walk up next to him and lean my head on his shoulder as he wraps his arm around me. He sighs contentedly and kisses the top of my head. I know I won't feel this for awhile, after tonight's conversation, so I close my eyes and memorize the feel of him around me.

"So," Maxon says after awhile. "What did you want to talk about?" he asks, turning to looks at me.

"Um," I hesitate, biting my lip. "Let's go back inside."

He leads me back inside, and I sit gently on the bed, folding my legs underneath me as he sits on the edge.

"First, I need you to know something." He looks at me, and I know he's confused. "I- I wasn't expecting to… feel anything for you, but I do. You know that." His eyes crinkle as he smiles at the thought, turning to lay on my bed and pulling me with him so my head is on his chest and he is holding me. I can't figure out the words to say what I mean, because I don't quite know what I mean, so I just kiss him.

I mean it to be soft, but his fingers dig into my back and I gasp at the possessiveness in the touch. He deepens the kiss, and I can't argue, so I clutch his arms tightly for a few moments before I pull away.

Maxon sits up and pulls me into his lap, his eyes shining, but guarded. "Does that- do you- what?"

I smile sadly. "Yes, Maxon. I can't say that I love you, I'm not ready for that yet, but… I probably will, soon," I say, practically whispering at the end. He makes to grab me again, and I push him away.

"No, that isn't what I need to tell you. And _please_ keep in mind that I'm not hiding this from you, I am telling you and being honest, okay?"

He's on edge now, but keeps holding me close.

"What is it?"

"The boy from back home… the one I told you about?"

"That you were in love with and that threw you away and pushed you to me, yes. I suppose I should send him a thank you card," he jokes, but I can tell that his heart isn't in it.

I take a shuddering breath, steeling myself for what I hope isn't a big deal. "He's here."

"What?" He freezes.

"Aspen… Officer Leger. The one we ran into before the movie yesterday. That's why I was so quiet."

I look up at Maxon, and his eyes are staring straight ahead, his jaw tense. I try to move out of his lap, but he won't let me.

"So," he says shortly. "The only reason you want to stay is for him?"

"What?" I nearly yell, shocked. "Do you honestly believe that everything I just told you, me kissing you, was a lie?"

"I…" he trails off. "I don't know."

"It wasn't," I tell him firmly, wriggling out of his hold on me so I can look him in the eye. "I may not love you yet, but I think I want to. Obviously him being here will confuse things, but I still- I still want you, Maxon. Maybe more than I want him."

"You don't love him anymore?" Maxon asks coldly.

"I didn't say that," I say carefully. "But it's not the same. I… I'm not choosing you right now, for a few reasons, but I'm definitely not choosing him right now either." I pause, wondering if I can tell him the truth about this afternoon. "He came in this afternoon. I was having a nightmare, and he woke me. We talked for a little bit, and he explained everything, and I believe him."

"So did you two just _talk_?" Maxon asks sarcastically.

"Maxon," I plead. "Please don't be cruel. I don't want him here anymore than you do, but at least I'm being forced to make a choice and now I won't always wonder what would happen if he and I had worked out."

Maxon sighs.

"But…" I hesitate, not wanting to tell him this part. "Aspen did kiss me."

Maxon looks furious now. "You realize that this is treason, punishable by death, right? You are confessing to treason."

"I- I know. But I didn't want him to, and I stopped him." The calms Maxon down, but only barely.

"When he was- you know- it was different than before," I explain. "Before, when it was simpler, when he kissed me all I thought about was him and his- well, yeah. But today, I couldn't stop thinking of you. How you feel different and smell different. How you would react, how I really didn't want to hurt you. And I realized… I'm not really the same person he's in love with anymore, and I don't know how that changes things."

Maxon pulls me back to him. "America, I need you to know that I would end the Selection now if things were different. I know it's soon but- if I could end the Selection so I could only date you, then I would do it. But… I can't. I have to date everyone else too. And you aren't ready to be a princess, but you will be a fantastic one once you've learned a little more. I can't… there's too much political stuff to deal with surrounding the Selection, it's too complicated."

"I know," I answer softly. "And I'm trying to understand that. Also, you should know I get jealous, which is a new thing for me. When Olivia came in saying you'd kissed her, I wanted to… I don't know what, exactly, but I was not happy about it," I say with a wry smile.

Maxon chuckles at this, tucking my head under his chin. He really does have a solid chest. "I'm sorry about that, but I can't only kiss you."

"I know, that doesn't mean I have to like it," I complain quietly.

"Did you never get jealous with… Aspen, was it?"

"Mhmm," I hum. "No, I didn't. I knew he was mine, and he never really went near other girls. I didn't have a reason."

"And you do with me?"

"You are literally dating twenty other girls and could throw me to the side and pick one of them, many of whom would be a better princess and queen than I would, and there would be no consequences. In fact, many people in the country would probably encourage your getting rid of me. So yes, I have a reason."

Maxon laughs out loud that that. "I suppose that's not wrong. And in light of that, I know that you're going to be… _seeing_ Aspen, and I can't really stop you. But please _please_ , be careful. If you were to get caught, I don't know that I'd be able to save you. I could keep them from killing you, but I couldn't just let it go. I actually really want to send him away, but I don't think that would help me."

"No, it wouldn't," I murmur, tracing my fingers lightly over his face. "But I promise. This might not be reasonable, but it _would_ help you if you could warn me if you were planning on kissing anyone else," I suggest.

I feel him shake gently with silent laughter. "I don't know if I can promise that, but I can try, I suppose. We'll see."

"Thank you," I yawn.

"Incidentally, what are your reasons for not choosing me now?" he asks curiously.

"I just… I can never be sure of you. I know that you say I'm your favorite, but that means you like other girls too, and I could do something and I wouldn't be your favorite. It's hard for me to accept that there are other girls that want you, and that you sort of want them too. And with Aspen, I know that there are other girls that want him, but he doesn't have any kind of feelings for them. He only wants me, and that's… comforting, I guess. I have always known where I stand with him.

"And this whole thing- the palace, you, the clothes, all of it, is so different from what I ever thought I wanted. And now I do want it- well, I want you, at least, and I need to wrap my head around everything that having you means," I explain.

"I guess I can understand that. But America, the only reason I want any of the other girls, and I use that term very loosely so you're aware, is because I'm not sure of you. If you… if you choose him, then I can't wander around with a broken heart. I have to choose one of them. To say it bluntly, I need a back-up plan," he says gently.

"I know. I'll try not to draw this out, I don't like it as much as you don't like it."

"Thank you," he says shortly, pressing his lips to my forehead. "It's late. I should go."

"Yeah," I say, burrowing closer to him. He turns and tucks me in, placing gentle kisses all over my face.

"Good night, darling," he says softly.

"Mmm," I hum with a smile. "I like that one," I say with my eyes closed, pulling the covers around me.

"Better than 'my dear'?" he asks, and I can hear the smirk on his face. I open my eyes sleepily so I can see him again before he leaves. I cup his cheek with my hand.

"Much," I whisper with a smile, pulling his lips to mine, kissing him slowly.

He leans his forehead on mine, breathing heavily.

"I _really_ should go," he says.

I laugh and kiss his forehead. "Go, get your beauty sleep. God knows you need it," I tease.

He rolls his eyes at me and kisses me again."Good night, America," he says as he walks to the door.

"Goodnight, Maxon," I call as he closes the door softly, and I find myself already asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey, so, i suck. Sorry, school got crazy and I totally forgot to post for the last few weeks *hides in a corner* I'm uploading all three of the missed chapters right now! You guys are the best!**

* * *

"Miss!" I hear, as I am shaken awake for the second night in a row.

I groggily sit up. "What is it? What time is it?"

"I don't know what time it is," Anne says, sliding my shoes toward me and holding out my robe. "Rebels are in the palace, we need to go."

I wake up immediately at that. "Okay, I'm ready."

When we leave the room, a guard is outside my door.

"This way, Lady America!" he says quickly, pushing me down the hallas my maids go the opposite direction.

"Wait!" I call back to them. "Where are you going?"

"We have our own saferoom, miss. We'll be fine," Mary says. "It's down by the kitchens."

"That's too far," I gasp. "You have to come with me, you'll be safer."

"No, miss, we will see you in the morning," Anne says firmly.

"I am not moving until you agree to come with me."

"You'd better come with us, ladies," the guard says reluctantly. "We'll get in more trouble for endangering her than for putting maids in the royal saferoom."

Mary, Anne, and Lucy run after us.

When we finally reach the safe room, I can hear the gunshots and yelling.

 _Southerners_ , I think to myself, more scared than before. I hurry down the stairwell as the door shuts ominously behind me, and I can hear Lucy's whimpers now.

When we see the light of the room, and the other Selected huddling on the floor (without their maids, of course), I breathe a sigh of relief. I don't see Maxon, though the King and Queen are already here, which worries me, but I think he'll be safe. I pray he'll be safe.

Silvia walks over to us. I can tell she wants to ask about the maids, but she simply narrows her eyes a little bit.

"They were with me," I defend. "It was much safer to have them come here than risk going to the other saferoom."

Silvia purses her lips. "Very well. At least we have some help now. Girls, serve the KIng and Queen, then the Selected as you are needed," she instructs all three of my maids.

"No," I say, more authoritatively than I have ever said anything in my life. "Anne, Mary, serve the King and Queen, of course. Lucy stays with me, she is in no state to serve anyone right now," I say as I wrap my arms her shaking form. "If the other girls wanted to be served they could have brought their own maids."

As I utter the last sentence, Maxon walks into the room, and tension that I didn't know I was holding in my shoulders releases. His eyes lock with mine and he breathes a sigh, of relief, I think, then laughs to himself when he sees me cradling my maid. I smile back, and his grin falters.

Aspen walks down behind Maxon, and I inhale sharply.

I cannot be stuck with both of them in this room together for hours.

They'll kill each other.

I turn around and gently guide Lucy to one of the cots lined up against the wall. I sit next to her on the bed, letting her rest her head on my shoulders and wrap an arm around her, holding her close. I stroke her arm, hoping to comfort her a little, and her shakes slowly subside. I see Maxon making rounds, talking quietly to all of the girls, and I feel the jealousy again, not quite enjoying the feeling.

Aspen kneels in front of my bed, and quietly asks how I'm doing. My eyes flick up to Maxon, to see if he notices us, but his back is turned. Aspen notices, and his mouth tightens.

"I'm okay," I whisper, noticing that Lucy has drifted into sleep, but she still seems to be crying. "Lucy seems the most shaken up- I was really worried about her."

Aspen smiles. "Good to know you aren't a total snob yet."

"I never did care so much about castes," I say pointedly. He smiles sadly.

"If Lucy needs anything, let me know. I should be able to sneak some extra supplies in. They won't have accounted for maids." He winks at me, and I roll my eyes, reveling in the feeling of home that I have with Aspen.

I look up towards Maxon again, and I see him leaning against a wall, watching us. Not angrily, but he's definitely not happy. I look him in the eyes, begging him not to make a scene. He tugs his ear, and I smile and tug mine back. He walks over.

Oh. He meant now.

I look at Aspen to tell him to leave, and he's already gone, moved on to the next girl in line.

"Look at that," Maxon says quietly, sitting next to me on the bed. "Both your boyfriends stuck with you in a room for God knows how long."

"Along with your harem," I mutter, leaning my head on his shoulder. He smiles a little, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"Maxon," I whisper. He looks down at me.

"Yes, darling?" He asks, remembering earlier tonight.

"I- You know that- never mind," I taper off softly.

He sighs but not at me. I look around, and realize that he and I are much closer than any of the other girls were when he was talking to them.

"America, I really don't know what you're talking about half of the time," he says, not unhappily.

I smile. "I think I like that. But-" I stop, and take a deep breath. "I just want you to know that it's me that I need to figure out, what I want, it's not that I want you to change at all."

Maxon covers my hand with his.

"I- That makes sense. But it doesn't stop me from wanting to send him off to some far away country and get him away from you. It drives me crazy that there's someone else for you," he throws his head against the wall, and I wince for him. I'm not too sorry, though.

"Maxon, how many other girls are actively trying to convince you to marry them right now?"

"Okay, that was a stupid thing to say," he mutters.

"I know," I tease him.

"Pretend I'm kissing you right now."

"Um. Okay," I blush, and Mary and Anne come up to sit next to Lucy, so Maxon really does stand up.

"Till the morrow, fair maiden," he jokes, kissing my hand.

"TIll the morrow, Prince Charming," I wink at him, and he walks off to his parents and talks quietly to his mother. Queen Amberly really is perfection. I could never be like her.

"He really likes you, miss," Mary says, as Anne nods in agreement. "I've never seen him so young as when he's around you. He's usually so scared of making a wrong step. I think he feels safe with you."

Interesting. So, Maxon has with me what I have with Aspen. I close my eyes, wanting to escape all the confusion. I look up, and I see Aspen standing very close to where Maxon is, and I think I see them talking to each other, but I'm so tired suddenly that my vision is blurry, and I can't quite tell. My eyelids droop, and I quickly nod off to sleep, leaning head on Lucy's, our arms wrapped around each other.


	4. Chapter 4

"Miss," I head Anne calling softly while gently shaking me. "Wake up, it's all clear."

I wake up slowly, finding myself with my head in Lucy's lap, while she strokes my hair a bit.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Lu-" I look up to apologize, and it's not Lucy.

"Hello," he says with a smirk.

"And how in the _world_ are you getting away with this one?" I ask him, almost laughing.

"You were thrashing a bit in your sleep, like a nightmare, and I was near you, so I started trying to calm you. It was the gentlemanly thing to do," he explains as I stand up and straighten my robe. "As soon as I touched you, you grabbed my arm and wouldn't let go, so I sat next to you, and here we are."

I shake my head. "You're going to pay for this later."

"I'm the prince," Maxon laughs, looping my arm through his. "I can do what I want."

"Maxon," I say exasperatedly. "Not twelve hours ago you were telling me that you have to pay attention to the other girls too. You can't keep doing this, you'll get in trouble."

"Ah, so you do care," he says as he escorts me up the stairs, my maids following us. I hate that term, actually- "my maids". I shouldn't have maids- one caste lower and I would have _been_ a maid.

"You know that, Maxon," I say, nudging him with my elbow.

"You ladies can go back to your rooms," he says to my girls. That's better, but I think it is the "my" part of the phrase that I take issue with. I don't own anyone. "I'll escort Lady America back to her chambers."

I roll my eyes at him, but walk with him nevertheless. When we reach my door, I turn to say goodnight, but he opens the door for me, then follows me in.

"A man in my bedroom while I'm in my nightclothes," I say dramatically. "How the people will talk!"

"Oh hush," Maxon says with a smirk. "We never really finished our conversation earlier."

"Oh?" I say nonchalantly. "Which one? The one where you kinda sorta almost proposed or the one where you told me to imagine you kissing me?" I tease him as I get under the covers of my bed and he lays down on top of them next to me.

"A little bit of both," he says with a smirk and leans down to gently press his lips to mine. I smile as he kisses me, and I wish that things were simpler. "Also I have three topics of conversation- dress, maids, and boyfriends," he says, counting them off on his fingers.

I roll my eyes. "I understand two of them, but dress?"

"Yes," he says, sounding relaxed. "When exactly did Celeste try to rip your clothes off?"

I suppress a smile, propping myself up with an elbow. "What?"

"When we were… arguing, before, about Celeste. You said she tore your dress, and I was too annoyed with you," he says, pulling me close, "to get mad at her, but once I cooled down I was… irritated to say the least.

I smile. "The second _Report_ that we were all on, when I was wearing-"

"The red dress, yes, I remember. Everyone was trying to look like you, then you came out like that. I almost ended it on the spot."

I curl into Maxon's arm, understanding that every time we talk about this he sounds more and more sure of me. I wonder how much of that is because he's being competitive and just doesn't want me to choose Aspen, a Six, over him, a One. Not just a One. _The_ One.

"Yes, well, that's exactly what happened. Anne told me that apparently all the other girls requested, or demanded, that their dresses be blue, and that many of them stopped wearing the jewelry you provide, so you would like them. So, when they saw that my dress was so different, Celeste pulled me aside and demanded that I switch dresses with her. I was confused, said no, and then she grabbed at my sleeve and scratched me." I pull the shoulder of my nightgown down a little to show him. Her scratches are almost gone, but would still be noticeable with a strapless gown, so I haven't worn one since.

"Marlee and Kriss helped my tuck in what was left of the strap and hid a few stray threads, and everything was fine. I don't particularly enjoy her company, and I don't like that she pretends to like you when she just likes your status. I would love to see her gone, but I know it's your choice. I just felt like her staying _wasn't_ your choice if she was manipulating you," I explain.

Maxon has been very quiet.

"Are you okay?" I ask concernedly.

"Three of the girls asked to go home during the attack," he says quietly. I begin to get a little insecure about his feelings for me- are these girls as important to him as I think I am?

I try to think of a way to phrase my question without sounding jealous. "What- um- do you think- never mind," I mumble, my face turning redder than my hair

He laughs at me gently, but he's still upset. "I'm not upset because I want them to stay," he says kindly, stroking my back. "You know that I don't truly care for anyone but you. I just hate that I'm putting everyone in danger. Girls shouldn't have to put their lives on the line for me."

I don't really know what to say to that, so I don't say anything, just listening to the steady beat of his heart.

"Okay, next question," Maxon says, banishing the sadness from his voice. " What's with the maids? I'm not mad, or even surprised, just curious."

"They came to wake me up," I say with a smile. "They didn't have to come all the way up to my rooms, a guard could have gotten me. But then they were trying to go all the way back down to the kitchens, and that was too dangerous. Lucy, the one I was holding… in an attack a long time ago, she was… taken. She gets more scared than anyone by these attacks. I couldn't let her go through that again," I say, resting my head on his chest.

"Always the hero," Maxons says with a smile.

I snort. "Right, champion of the downtrodden, that's me."

"You really are, you know."

"What?"

"You're more passionate about _people_ than anyone I've ever seen. That's why I'm sure you'll be a good princess once you learn the politics."

I smile. "You really think so?"

"I do. But, last thing. Officer Leger and I had a discussion."

I freeze. So I did see them talking. "Oh?"

"We've come to an arrangement that I think will be agreeable."

"Don't I get a say?" I joke, nudging him with my elbow.

"Not really," Maxon says wearily, running his hand through his hair. "If you insist on committing treason, he and I are really the best ones to tell you how to avoid getting caught."

"Hey," I say, sitting up and looking at him. "I swear, Maxon. I'm trying. I… I think I know who I want it to be, but it wouldn't be fair to either of you for me to make a decision right now." _It's you_ , I think. I just can't be sure I want the job that comes with it. And I'm not sure you really want me.

"Really?" he says, bolting up. "Are you going to tell me?"

"Not yet. I want to be one hundred percent sure before I say anything. But… I think it will be soon. Anyways, what's the arrangement?

"Oh, right. Every night, after dinner, you and I will go to the gardens for an hour or so. I'll make sure I do something similar with the other girls, but maybe not every day. Anyways, Leger and I will alternate nights, so he can… well. You know," he says uncomfortably.

I hesitate.

"Is something wrong?" Maxon asks carefully.

"I don't- I think- Don't read into this, okay? But the gardens are ours. I don't know that I want Aspen there."

I feel Maxon perk up at my words. "That… that makes me really happy."

I smile as I push him back down so I can rest my head on his chest.

"I thought it might. And I have a counter-suggestion."

"What's that?" Maxon asks lazily, running his hand through my hair, and I almost fall asleep at the action. I want to do this forever, fall asleep in Maxon's-

 _Woah. That was extreme._

"Um," I say, surprised by my thoughts. "I don't know if this will work, but what about the Princess suite?"

Maxon freezes. "What?"

"Well, I mean, no one will look there. It would be right next to you, so if I'm in your room you could just say you gave permission and no one would question it."

"I… that's the same as the gardens, America. If you choose me, that's where you and I will start our lives together. I can't… I know that it doesn't mean anything to you. But I have lived my entire life knowing that my wife will live in those rooms. I don't want that tainted with her ex-boyfriend. I mean- that- if you want me, that is," he tries to save.

I smile. "I guess that makes sense. Maybe… the three of us could talk about it sometime?"

Maxon sighs. "I really, really don't like this."

"I know, me neither. But now you almost know how all of us girls feel," I tease him. "How about this- I'll make my decision in two weeks. Not before, but in two weeks, even if I'm not completely sure, whoever I think it is, I'll choose him." _You_ , I think to myself again. I just wish Aspen wasn't so much like home.

"But at least you _chose_ this," Maxon complains as he stretches, not entirely serious.

I laugh. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

" _You_ help me sleep at night," he mutters, and then disentangles himself.

"I should go before we get in trouble," he says, standing up.

"Yeah," I whisper, and he makes no move to leave.

"America, I-," he says, then goes to the door and steps outside. "Goodnight," he says finally, softly closing the door behind him.

I wrap myself in the covers, weighing Aspen and Maxon in my mind, not able to give either one an edge over the other.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning at breakfast, everyone is fairly subdued. The attack obviously caused a lack of sleep, but it is tenser than that. Amy, Tallulah, and Fiona are conspicuously absent, and I assume that they are the three that Maxon was talking about last night. We all pick at our food, sipping orange juice and tea. Hardly anyone looks up even when Maxon walks in, but for some reason, just knowing he is in the room calms me. He catches my eye as he walks to the head table to greet his parents and gives me weak smile.

Maxon is looking around the room, watching each one of the Selected intently. He looks pained, and I wonder what's going on. His mother rubs her hand on his back, and he relaxes a bit, but he still looks like the weight of the world is on his shoulders. He leans down and whispers to Queen for a moment, and she rests her hand on his cheek. I can almost forget that it is the Royal family of Illèa, not just a mother lending strength to her son.

I watch them discreetly, wondering if this has to do with us, or with the rebels.

I find out that it's a little bit of both.

Maxon closes his eyes for moment, steeling himself for something, and then stands abruptly, scraping his chair on the marble floor. He winces, and looks like he wants to sit back down, but he has all of our attention now.

He clears his throat. "Ladies," he says, inclining his head to us. He looks pained. "I'm afraid that after yesterday's attack, I've been forced to to seriously reconsider that operation of the Selection. As you know, three ladies asked to leave yesterday, and I obliged. I wouldn't want anyone here against their will. Furthermore, I don't feel comfortable keeping anyone in the palace, facing this constant threat of danger, when I feel confident that we don't have any sort of future together."

Soft murmurs break out among us. Tiny, sitting next to me, gasps in horror. "He's not…"

"He is," I answer softly, unsure about how I feel about this.

"Though it grieves me to do this, I have discussed the matter with my family and a few close advisors and have decided to go ahead and narrow the Selection down to the Elite," Maxon continues. "However, instead of ten, I've decided to send all but six of you home."

"Six?" Kriss gasps.

"That's not fair," Tiny breathes, sounding like she is in tears already.

I look around the room and notice that everyone is preparing themselves differently. Marlee looks as pale as a sheet. Bariel has her fingers crossed, with a demure look across her face, though it is also very tight. Celeste looks ready to fight someone for her spot.

"I don't wish to draw this on unnecessarily, so only the following ladies will be staying. Lady Marlee and Lady Kriss," Maxon says clearly. Despite our conversation last night, I am suddenly very nervous. Who knows what his father thinks of me, or what his advisors want for the next queen of our country? My palms begin to sweat, and I look down at my lap, unable to look at anyone.

"Lady Natalie and Lady Celeste," he continues. My breath hitches. There are fifteen girls left in the room unsure of their status, and thirteen of them are going home in minutes. I can't be one of them.

"Lady Elise."

I want to cry. If he was going to keep me, he would have said it already, wouldn't he? He wouldn't do this to me if he wanted me.

"Lady America."

I want to sob, I am so relieved. As it is, I nearly collapse onto the table. Tiny does both, and won't accept my attempts to comfort her.

Maxon sighs. "To everyone else, I'm incredibly sorry, but I hope you trust me when I say that I meant this to be a good thing for you. I don't want to raise anyone's hopes for no reason and risk your life in the process. If anyone who is leaving wants to speak to me, I'll be in the library down the hall, and you may visit me as soon as you finished eating."

Maxon nearly runs out of the dining room, not noticing Aspen at the door, who is staring at me with unspeakable pain in his eyes. I try to think of a way to comfort him, but I can't. I know that I want Maxon, and I think that Aspen knows it too. I just don't know if I can live without Aspen, too.

Suddenly I realize that I am one of the Elite. Who knew when I entered that it would go this far? I'm in love with the Crown Prince of Illèa, and I don't know what to do about it.

~PtG~

"No, no," Queen Amberly answers with a laugh. "I only had three bridesmaids, though Clarkson's mother suggested I have more. I just wanted my sisters and my best friend, who, coincidentally, I'd met during the Selection."

I peek over at Marlee and am happy to find she was looking at me too. Before I arrived at the palace, I had assumed that with this being such a high stakes competition, there'd be no way any of the girls would be friendly. Marlee had embraced me the first time we met, and we'd been there for each other from that moment on. With a single almost- example, we've never even had an had an argument.

A few weeks ago, Marlee had mentioned that she didn't think she wanted to be with Maxon. When I'd pushed her to explain, she clammed up. She wasn't mad at me, I knew that, but those days of silence before we'd let it go were lonely.

"I want seven," Kriss says. "I mean, if Maxon chooses me and I get to have a big wedding."

"Well, I won't have bridesmaids," Celeste says, countering Kriss. "They're just distracting. And since it would be televised, I want all eyes on me."

I fume. It is rare that we all get to sit and talk with Queen Amberly, and here Celeste is, being a brat and ruining it.

"I'd want to incorporate some of my culture's traditions into my wedding," Elise adds quietly. "Girls back in New Asia use a lot of red in their ceremonies, and the groom has to bring gifts to the bride's friends to reward them for letting her marry him."

Kriss pipes up. "Remind me to be in your wedding party. I love presents!"

"Me, too!" Marlee exclaims.

"Lady America, you've been awfully quiet," Queen Amberly says. "What do you want at your wedding?"

I blush because I am completely unprepared to comment.

There is only one wedding I've ever imagined, and it was going to take place at the Province of Carolina Services Office after an exhausting amount of paperwork.

"Well, the one thing I've thought about is having my dad give me away, You know when he takes your hand and puts in the hand of the person you marry? That's the only part I've ever really wanted." Embarrassingly enough, it was true.

"But everyone does that," Celeste complains. "That's not even original."

I should be mad that she called me out, but I merely shrug. "I want to know that my dad completely approves of my choice on the day it really matters."

"That's nice," Natalie says, sipping her tea and looking out the window.

Queen Amberly laughs lightly. "I certainly hope he approves. No matter who he is." She adds the last words quickly, catching herself implying that I would be Maxon's choice.

I wonder if she thinks that, if Maxon has told her about us.

Shortly after, the wedding talk dies down, and the queen leaves to go work in her room. Celeste turns the TV on while Marlee and I settle on a small couch, and the others bring out a card game.

"That was fun," Marlee says. "I don't think I've ever heard the queen talk so much."

"She's excited, I think," I comment. I think about what Adele told me when she was here, about the queen protecting herself from loving us like her children, then losing all but one of us.

"Okay, you have to tell me," Marlee says, leaning forward with sparkling eyes. "Do you honestly not have any other plans for your wedding or did you just not want to share?"

"I really don't," I say, embarrassed. "I'm a Five, you know? There was never a possibility of a big wedding, so I never planned for one."

"Well, you're a Three now," Marlee says. "And even if Maxon doesn't choose you, all of the other girls who have gone home have married well. They all had pretty big weddings." Here my heart stutters, which surprises me, but I don't have the energy to sort through my feelings.

Marlee shifts in her seat for a moment. "Excuse me for a moment, I'm going to go to the restroom."

"I was just thinking the same thing. Do you want to go together?" I offer.

Marlee shakes her head with a smile. "No, you go ahead. I'll finish my tea first."

I shrug, and walk out of the Women's Room. I marvel at how different I am then when I first came here. I wanted to leave so badly, but I had to stay. I couldn't deal with being so close to Aspen.

I let out a sharp laugh. _That worked well_ , I think to myself.

I still can't leave. Now, though, it's because I can't be away from Maxon. Even being away from him for a day makes me a little crazy.

I know it's Maxon. I know that I'm in love with him. But how can I lose Aspen?

As I turn the corner to the restroom, wondering what's holding me back, I run into a guard, and I find myself hoping that it both is and is not Aspen.

The guard catches me, and I look up, and it is not Aspen.

"Oh!" I exclaim as I stand and straighten my skirts. "I'm sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going."

"No harm done, my lady," he says with a quick bow. "Just doing my job."

"Well, thank you, Officer…"

"Woodwork, ma'am."

I roll my eyes at the formality. "Well, let's hope the next time I run into you it's not quite so literal."

He chuckles. "Very well, miss. Have a nice day."

"You, too!" I call as I walk further down the hall.

When I return, I warn Marlee of Officer Woodwark, and she laughs.

We spend the rest of the day by the windows, chatting together and drinking in the sunshine. I try not to think of how quickly the day when we won't be living under the same roof is approaching.

~PtG~

I'm sitting at my desk in my room, the doors to the hall and the balcony thrown wide open. Anne, Lucy, and Mary are sewing something or cleaning, and I am poring over some military report that all of the Elite will be tested on. I don't understand any of it.

"Anne," I say lazily, leaning back in my chair.

"Yes, my lady," she says looking up with a smile, and the other girls stop what they are doing as well.

"I command you to figure out what this report means," I say, vaguely gesturing towards the papers.

Anne laughs softly, "Sorry, miss, but I don't think that I'll be much help." We are both joking, but I hear the true apology in her voice.

I groan, and turn my head back to my task, biting at my pen and trying to concentrate. All of the graphs and charts swim before my eyes. I don't know exactly what all of it means, but I think it's bad. I pore over what little I can understand, and I hear Lucy laugh softly beside me. I look up, eager for a distraction no matter how small, and I look up to see Maxon leaning against the door frame.

"You gave me away," he complains to Lucy.

"Maxon!" I dash into his arms, relishing his embrace. "You read my mind."

"Did I?"

" _Please_ tell me we can go outside? Just for a little bit?"

Maxon laughs, winding my arm through his. "Only for a bit, I have to be back in twenty minutes." He nods to my maids, and pulls me out the door.

We walk down to the gardens, and Maxon shifts my arm to hold my hand. A thrill runs down my spine at this- it seems more affectionate than our arms being linked. I curl my other hand around his arm, and I feel closer to him than I ever have.

"What are these?" Maxon asks, examining my fingertips.

"Calluses," I say nervously, aware that no one he has ever known would have had them. "They're from practicing violin so much."

"I've never noticed them before," he says, thinking about something.

"Do they bother you?"

"Quite the opposite," Maxon says with a shy smile, kissing my fingertips. "I find them quite beautiful."

I flush.

"I've seen the world," he continues. "But I've seen it all from behind bulletproof glass. I've seen almost every court in the world, but I've seen nothing of those countries that isn't court. I really haven't even seen that much of my own country. But these…" he says with a smile. "They remind me that you're real. _We're_ real. You're not a girl trying to win the crown. You're… America. And when I'm with you, I'm not a prince trying to run a country, I'm just Maxon. I may hold the answers to a thousand questions, and these remind me that, as many answers as I have, you have the only one I want. The only one I need, and you're the only one that can give it to me." He finishes his speech passionately, but not angrily, taking both of my hands in his and looking me deeply in the eyes "America, I- I've implied this before, but you should know for sure. As soon as you decide you want me, it's over. You're the only one I want, the only one I will _ever_ want. Tell me you love me, and it's done," he pleads.

I lean my forehead beneath his collar bone, just above his heart, listening to it's steady beat. He wraps his arms around me. "Just a little more time, Maxon."

"I know. I'm prepared to wait," he says softly.

"So," I say, stepping back, wanting to lighten the mood. I take him hand again so he knows I'm not mad. "Answers to a thousand questions, hm?"

Maxon smiles. "Of course. Ask me anything, and I either know or can find out."

I tilt my head, wondering what I could ask him. I think about an old history book that my father had, and things I wondered about from there.

"What is Halloween?" I ask.

Maxon freezes. "I have no idea."

I laugh.

Maxon sucks in a breath and looks at his watch. "I have no idea," he repeats. "But I think I know where we can find out."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hi again! Just as a heads up, someone commented that this is still really similar to the books. I meant to say this earlier and then forgot, but yes! It's going to be really similar until about the Halloween Ball, and then things will get really shaken up. Aspen will end up being a tad OC as well, but not a lot. I'm super excited to get there! Read and review!**

* * *

Maxon races back towards the palace, dragging me with him, nodding to the guards inside the garden doors.

"Maxon, wait!" I cry breathlessly, tripping over my skirts and heels. "I can't keep up!"

He looks at me, slightly irritated. He slows to my pace, but I know he wants to speed up.

When we finally reach a corridor on the third floor, Maxon slows to stop and faces me, breathing heavily. "What I'm about to show you," he says quietly, "is only known by a few people- my parents, and some _very_ close advisors."

I must look bewildered, because there is nothing in this hallway.

Maxon's lips quirk up into a smile. "No one, America."

"Got it," I say, miming zipping my lips shut. Maxon truly smiles at that. He looks around quickly again, making sure no one is around. He flips a switch on the side of a painting that takes up an entire wall. The painting swings forward, revealing a small door, raised about a foot and a half off the ground.

"What?" I gasp, completely shocked. That is _not_ what I was expecting.

Maxon laughs as he punches several numbers into a keypad next to the door, and deftly steps up the ledge into the room behind. "Come on, darling," he says with a sweet smile, and warmth blooms through my chest. "Let me help you up." He holds out his hands.

I take them, and as I push myself up to the ledge, relying mostly on Maxon's strength, my heel catches on something, causing me to trip and push Maxon onto the floor, me on top, and we slide backwards into the room. The door closes behind us, and both Maxon and I are silent for a moment as I lay on top of him.

I start to giggle, just as Maxon starts to chortle, and soon we are in full hysterics. I roll off onto the floor next to him, clutching my stomach as peals of laughter escape from me uncontrollably. Once we finish laughing, Maxon rolls onto his side, gazing at me and placing his hand on my cheek. _I'm home_ , I think, not even really registering the thought.

He leans down and kisses me, softly at first, then more intensely, clutching at my sides. I grab his biceps, pulling him closer. He holds me tight and I can't get enough, kissing him with more abandon than I ever have. As his hands stray lower down my back, I gasp, and he takes that as an invitation to slip his tongue into my mouth.

I can feel his hesitancy, his uncertainty about whether this is something I'm okay with or not. I let my tongue meet his, and he moans, twisting his hands into my hair. I've felt this… _feeling_ before, with Aspen, but never- _never_ \- like this. With Aspen, it was something I wanted. Now, though, now, it's something I _need_. I need Maxon more than I need air right now. I press my hips to his, and we both freeze. He lifts his arm to look at his watch.

"Darling," he says, his voice sounding hoarse. "I need to go, and we need to stop."

I scramble out from under him, completely mortified by what just happened. I look at him with wide eyes as I try to melt into the wall.

Maxon stands up and straightens his clothes, running his hand through his hair. I suddenly think of mine, and desperately try to straighten it. Maxon laughs a little and walks over to me, combing a few strands into place.

"There," he says, kissing my forehead. "You're perfect. Not that you aren't always, but I can see how your hair looking like it did could present problems."

I groan. "I'm sor-"

"Shh," Maxon says. "I'm really the one that started it."

"Yes, but if I weren't so clumsy-"

" _America_ ," he says, slightly exasperated. He leans his forehead on mine. "Stop. We didn't do anything wrong. We almost did something illegal, but even then I don't think that I could say it's wrong." He kisses me softly one more time, then pulls back.

"Come on, let's go."

He helps me out of the room, and I'm almost sad that I didn't get to see what was in it.

"It's a secret library," he whispers. "Banned books and the like, even some of Gregory Illéa's personal diaries. I'm not entirely sorry that we didn't figure out what Halloween is, but I can go back and find out later, then report back to you."

"Yes, sir," I tease him as he guides me towards my room.

We walk in companionable silence until we reach my door, and he kisses me again.

"Well," I laugh. "Someone is eager today."

Maxon smiles. "I simply can't keep my hands off you, my dear."

I roll my eyes and walk back to my desk. "You must, good sir. For I am but a gentle maiden, and I cannot afford for my reputation to be drawn into question," I say formally with a curtsy

Maxon laughs long and loud at this. "My dear, I can assure you that should your reputation be compromised, even your most impressive suitor would not find a complaint with you," he winks.

I snort. "Okay, go back to your fun with your advisors. I have to get through this stupid military report," I say.

"Yes, dear," Maxon says sarcastically, kissing my forehead again. _Geez, what is up with him today? He's not usually this affectionate._ "See you at dinner," he says, walking out the door.

I flop onto my bed and cover my face, both dreading dinner tonight and incredibly excited by it.

~PtG~

"I'm hopeless!" Marlee complains.

"No, no, you're doing great," I lie.

I've been giving Marlee piano lessons nearly every day for more than a week, and it genuinely sounded like she was getting worse. For goodness' sake, we are still working on scales. She hit another sour note, and I can't help but wince.

"Oh, look at your face!" she exclaims. "I'm terrible. I might as well be playing with my elbows."

"We should try that. Maybe your elbows are more accurate."

She sighs. "I give up. Sorry, America, you've been so patient, but I hate hearing myself play. It sounds like the piano is sick."

"More like it's dying, actually."

Marlee collapses into laughter, and I join her. Little did I know that when she'd asked for piano lessons, my ears would be in for such painful- but hilarious- torture.

"Maybe you'd be better at the violin? Violins make very beautiful music," I offer.

"I don't think so. With my luck, I'd destroy it." Marlee rises and goes over to my little table, where the papers we are supposed to be reading are pushed to one side to make room for the tea and cookies Anne had left for us.

"Oh, well, that's fine. The one here belongs to the palace anyway. You could throw it at Celeste's head if you wanted."

"Don't tempt me," she says, pouring us both some tea. "I'm so going to miss you, America. I don't know I'll do when we don't get to see each other every day."

"Well, I imagine we'll be here for awhile yet, so you don't have to worry about it too much," I say hesitantly.

"I don't know," she says, suddenly turning serious. "He hasn't come right out and said it, but I think I'm just here because the public likes me. Once their opinion changes, he'll probably let me go."

I want to probe, wondering what has prompted her to put so much distance between her and Maxon, but I don't want her to shut down on me.

"Are you okay with that? With not getting Maxon, I mean?"

She shrugs a little. "He's just not the one. I'm fine with being out of the competition, but I really don't want to leave," she clarifies. "Besides, I wouldn't want to end up with a man who's in love with someone else."

I sit bolt upright. "Who is he-"

The look in Marlee's eyes is triumphant, and the smile hiding behind her cup of tea says _Gotcha!_

In a split second I realize that the thought of Maxon being in love with someone else made me so jealous I can't stand it. And the moment after that- the understanding that she meant me- was infinitely reassuring.

I'd put up wall after wall, making jokes at Maxon's expense and talking up the merits of the other girls; but in a single sentence, Marlee found her way through all that.

"Why haven't you ended this, America?" Marlee asks, almost seeming annoyed, but the gleam in her eye remains. "You know he loves you."

"He has never said that," I protest. He technically hasn't.

"Of course not," Marlee says exasperatedly, as if it's obvious. "He's trying so hard to catch you, and every time he gets close you push him away. Why do you do that?"

Can I tell her? Can I confess that while my feelings for Maxon go deep- deeper than I knew, apparently- there is someone that I just can't let go of?

"I'm just… not sure, I guess." I trust Marlee; I really do. But it is safer for us both if she doesn't know.

She nods. It looks like she can tell that there is more to it than that, but she doesn't press me. It is almost comforting, this mutual acceptance of our secrets.

"Find a way to be sure. Soon. Just because he's not the one for me doesn't mean that he's not a great guy. I'd hate for you to lose him because you were afraid."

She is right again. I am afraid. Afraid that Maxon's feelings aren't as genuine as they seem, afraid of what being a princess might mean for me, afraid of losing Aspen.

"On a lighter note," she says, setting down her cup of tea, "all that talk of weddings yesterday made me think of something."

"Yes?"

"Would you want to, you know, be my maid of honor? If I get married someday?"

"Oh, Marlee, of course I would! Would you be mine?" I reach out to grab her hands, and she takes them happily.

"But you have sisters, won't they mind?"

"They'll understand. Please?"

"Absolutely! I wouldn't miss _your_ wedding for the world." Her tone implies that my wedding would be the event of the century.

"Promise me that even if I get married to a nobody Eight in an alley somewhere, you'll be there."

She gives me a disbelieving look, positive that no such thing could ever happen. "Even if that's the case. I promise."

She doesn't ask me to make a similar vow for her, which makes me wonder, as I had in the past, if there is another Four back home who she has her heart set on. I won't press her though. It is clear that we both have secrets; but Marlee is my best friend, and I will do anything for her.

~PtG~

That night, I'm hoping to spend some time with Maxon. Marlee has me questioning a lot of my actions. And thoughts. And feelings.

After dinner, as we all stand to leave the Dining Room, I catch Maxon's eye and tug my ear. It is secret sign to ask for time together, and it is rare to pass up an invitation. But tonight Maxon's expression is disappointed as he mouths the word "work" to me. I give him a mock pout and a tiny wave before leaving for the night.

Perhaps it is for the best anyway. I really need to think on some things where Maxon is concerned.

When I round the corner to my room , Aspen is there again, standing guard. He looks me up and down, taking in the snug green dress that does amazing things for the few curves I have. Without a word, I walk past him. Before I can turn the handle on my door, he gently grazes the skin on my arm.

It is slow but brief, and in those few seconds I feel that need, that sense of longing, that Aspen tends to inspire in me. One look at his emerald eyes, hungry and deep, and I feel my knees start to go shaky.

I move into the room as quickly as I can, tortured by our connection. Thank goodness I barely have time to think about what Aspen makes me feel, because the moment the door shuts, my maids swarm around me, preparing me for bed. As they chat away and brush my hair, I try to let myself forget about everything for a moment.

It is impossible. I have to choose. Aspen or Maxon.

But how am I supposed to decide between two good possibilities? How can I make a choice that will leave some part of me devastated either way? I comfort myself with the thought that I still have time. I still have time.


End file.
